Absence makes the heart grow fonder?

I've been absent recently, missing from twitter, from playgroups, from friendships, relationships and sadly I think from motherhood.

I told someone yesterday that I wasn't depressed. It's not someone I normally lie to, not that I lie often but you know the people you answer fine to and the one you tell the gory truth to. Well the person was one of the latter sort.

It got me thinking though. I don't want to talk to people, I don't want to go out, I can't be bothered with ANYTHING. Cooking has gone out the window, I can't think to plan meals let alone cook them. I'm not keeping up with the housework, even my reading has nearly stopped which is unheard of. My mothering has been hands off at best. Setting up invitations to play out of guilt but then walking away..... There hasn't been as much interaction as I would normally like. N is cuddly and clingy and I know its because I'm distant and he is reacting to this.

Yet I don't feel that dark gloom and despair that depression brings. I feel apathetic, detached, in my own little world.

I'm tired, so tired I could sleep all day and do when N isn't here.

I feel like I'm recuperating, but what from? My fibro was rough for a while but it's ok ish now. I have some other valid reasons for the tiredness but not this blah feeling.

I want to shake myself up! Give myself a kickstart but I'm not sure how.

I don't want to talk to the doctor as I know given my history with depression he will just reach for the tablets and I don't want that. But I do need something, what I don't know but something that brings me in from the cold where I've been stood with my nose pressed up the window looking in at my life.

I know there's a problem, I know how it's affecting me so that's half the battle right? I just need to be able to deal with things now and get back to living.

Easy yeah?

P x

Saturday is caption day

Some things that i love #19

Linking up with Butwhymummywhy's linky Somethings that i love  

So what have i been up to this week.

Some thing that i watched.

I enjoyed the new show 'Coming Out' this week. With great comedy actresses like Sue Perkins and Dawn French it's very funny and i loved the turn by Eastenders Dot Branning or Cotton as she will always be to me AKA June Brown.

Some thing that i read
What haven't i read this week! I am reading Honour by Elif Shafak as part of the @Britmums book club.

I'm also reading Born Wicked as part of a review for @BookAngel_Emma and then my friend has convinced me to read A touch of Crimson by Sylvia Day, the author of Bared to you, a slightly more warped 50 shades which i have point blank refused to read despite my friend begging me to as she wants someone to discuss it with. The first i recommend. The second I'm undecided on and the third you should probably avoid unless you have a thing for big brutish ware wolves, Angels, Vampires and demons. Its got it all going on. My friend loves all that stuff and has dragged me into it,  I am a little ashamed by this.

Some thing that i wore

I'm not sure if this technically counts as wearing but BIG news. I found my coral MAC blusher. I lost it a few weeks back and my face has felt pale and wane without it. I'm thinking of buying the Rimmel Apocolip in coral too. I am having a coral moment. Has anyone tried the Apocolip? I'd love to hear what you thought. 

This colour is called Apocoliptic but he shade i like is Luna



Some thing that i listed too

Does listening to Absolute 90's on my phone while doing the housework really count? I seriously need to get my music mojo back. Even Blue were sounding good to me the other day when i was watching the Big Reunion. Where has my self respect gone, Blue for Christ sake??? I blame my husband. The big girls blouse is obsessed with the Big Reunion. I think he'd go to the tour if i let him : )

Some thing that i can not live without

This week this was one of my oldest friends. We've been friends since we were 13. Oh the trouble we have got ourselves into over the years. She is a teacher now. I cant quite think about her being in charge of a class without sniggering. The fact that her class give her hell is proof of karma if ever there was one. If you follow me on twitter you may have seen i had a crap couple of days Thursday and and today. My friend was witness to the beginnings of a huge family row. It was just so nice to have someone who i didn't need to explain things to as they had been there with me through the years, knew all the back ground, all the players. Just KNEW. Didn't judge, just listened and reasoned with me in the honest no holds barred way a long term friend can.

When looking for a photo and me and Gem to add here, i came across a photo of us sitting in a park on the last day of school drinking Blue Nun from the bottle. Classy Classy girls. I decided it was probably best left out. I want to keep my friend : )

Silent Sunday

Some things that i love

Its been a while but I'm joining in with the Butwhymummywhy fab linky,  'Somethings that i love' again.

Something that i read

I've mentioned before my penchant for 77p crap titles from Amazon. These are so shameful i feel I'll be disowned if i mention them here so instead I'm going to tell you what i will be reading, just as soon as it arrives. I have joined the @britmums book club and out first book is going to be Honour by Elif Shafak.

 I am also going to have a read of some of the titles suggested by @plasticrosaries from the womens prize list. I am really looking forward to reading some 'proper' books again. Ones I'll actually be proud to talk about.

Something that I've listened too

Woeful, that is what my music listening is at the moment, plain woeful. I just don't seem to have the time or inclination. This must change. A friend is doing an acoustic gig soon, I'm going to convince the other half that we should go along. Hopefully this will rekindle my love of music. I'd love to hear what other people are listening too, maybe get a bit of inspiration from that too.

Something that i watched

I really liked the episode of Call the Midwife where Chummy gave birth, i think it was only last week. I've lost tack of my days a bit. I love Miranda and think anything she does is fab. This is a complete turnaround as i hated her at first. I like this more serious side to her acting, very talented lady. I cried like a baby too which always feels a bit cleansing to me.

Something that i wore

I have barely been out the house this week with one thing and another so I'm ashamed to say so my most memorable outfit has been a lovely dark green top relegated to house wear only as it has a huge bleach stain on the tummy and some very comfy grey yoga pants. I shall try better next week.

Something that i cannot live without

This week my sister has helped me out loads. We have a difficult relationship at times. Too close for comfort if I'm honest. She is ill an awful lot with fibromialgia and depression. This means she often lets me down and i have got to the stage where i cant always rely on her. This is really sad as when she is there for me she supports me like no other person can. She just KNOWS what i need. KNOWS ME. This week she has been a star. She has had N twice and its been a life saver. I hope the support i offer her does as much.

A super simple very hungry caterpillar craft

Did you know it's The very hungry caterpillar day today? No neither did I until i saw a tweet mentioning it. This was one of N's first books, he loved putting his fingers in the holes.

We made these egg carton caterpillars one day last year. They've been mentioned in a post previously but I thought I'd bring them out again just in case you're looking for a super quick craft to go with the book. They are so simple, all i needed to do was the cutting. N did all the colouring and smudging himself.

We simple cut the egg carton up and coloured it in to look like the caterpillar. I then drew some faces on. We used oil pastels, as they were new and I wanted to try them out. N liked to smudge them.

Paint would probably work better.

We then used the caterpillars as we read the story to act it out.

Here are some more (far superior) Hungry Caterpillar ideas from two of my favourite bloggers.

The Imagination Tree

Sensory Storytelling Tub

Play dough Story telling - this is one of our favourite activities

Eric Carle inspired tissue paper prints.

Nurturestore

A whole host of ideas and activities

Both Sites are well worth checking out. They are a constant go to for me at home and my playgroup. I've lost count of the amount of moms I've recommended them to.



Easter inspired small world/sensory bin

I love Easter, probably not for the reasons I should being the good catholic girl that I am. *ahem*

I love the colours, the food, the crafts. I love that I generally see my much ignored cousins around this time. I love the feeling of new beginnings all around me. We like to visit the farm to see the lambs and the chicks when they come along. It's just a really lovely hopeful time of year. I also really like chocolate...alot.

I've made N a little Small world/Sensory bin so he can enjoy this time of year even when its raining outside like today.

It's very simple. Some dyed pasta and rice. Some colourful shredded paper and a few of his farm animals and happy land figures.

We played rounding up the sheep using the sheep dog. Putting the cows out to graze and feeding the baby chicks some worms.

I'll leave it out for N to go back to as he wishes.

Hope your spring is going well and you all have a wonderful Easter.

Instructions on dying pasta/rice


Add required amount of rice/pasta to a large sandwich bag.

Add colouring. I find the gel type you buy at cake decorating shops best but I have used the liquid ones you get in the supermarkets too, it just takes a bit longer to dry.

Some people use a squirt of hand sanitise gel to help the drying process along. I've never bother to be honest.

Then spread out on a tray in a fine layer to dry.

Store in an air tight container. It keeps for ages and ages.

It has multiple uses to, sensory tubs, crafts, use with play dough, thread pasta with holes in a fine motor skill practise. The list is endless.

Here is some close ups.

I hope you like it.